Things that happen when you smell your feet

The other day, I was driving home with the girls, which is usually when the blog inspiration magic happens.  This particular ride home was no exception. O out of the blue informed me, "I smelled my feet and it made me fart."

 

Yep, I'm a proud mama of a delicate, lady-like 4 year old. Now of course, this quote of O's is probably one of her better ones -- but unlike the others, I struggled to find the inspiration.  What lesson in life could this phenomenal quote could teach me? At the suggestion of one of my good friends, I did start to think about the surprising, and sometimes amazing things that happen when you least expect it.  Even when you are mired in the most dire circumstances. Or smelly ones.

 

Speaking of both dire and smelly circumstances, I've ventured out into the world of online dating, given how tough it can be to meet people these days.  Not that I'm equating these men with smelly feet, or farting for that matter, but some of these guys may want to pick up a book on social skills.

 

I'll start with Vinnie (all names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent -- but this guy totally seems like a Vinnie) - his intro email to me was "Hey babygirl, your beauty is flawless." For anyone who knows me, you'd accurately guess that this guy was dead-on-arrival. He must have taken my lack of response as playing hard to get, as he kept trying to catch me on IM until I final blocked him.

 

Then there was Mark, who wanted to cut through any normal introductions and ask me "Have you ever dated anyone outside your race?"  I'm all for figuring out potential deal-breakers sooner rather than later, but a hello would be super nice.

 

Another friend, Iam4u2316, also wanted to cut through the chase. At 58 years of age, he asked me on IM "Am I too old for you?"  I'm not sure, let me introduce you to my mom and dad and let them tell you.  At least Simon spent time writing an email, acknowledging "I know I am very young [24 years of age] but I am very mature for my age" and actually asked me out like a gentlemen. 

 

You also have a lot of yellers  -- I'd like to think they are just really excited to be contacting me, but I think they are just unfamiliar with their keyboards.  Pitts2317 went right to our potential chemistry with "WHO IS UR FAV FOOTBALL TEAM? MINE IS THE STEELERS IS THAT A DEAL BREAKER LOL" followed by "I LIKE GOOD FOOD WORKING OUT AND I AM A SPORTS NUT."  Not just a sports nut, Pitts old boy.

 

But you have to appreciate the effort to find common ground, I suppose.  BassFisher7084 jumped in with "Cute pics. Do ya like country music? Do ya like to boat in the summer?" 

 

There are a few guys who just take the simple approach, like they are walking up to me at a bar, which I guess I can understand.  Rick went with "Hello I am Rick."  Full stop.  And Sounderfan3109 simply said "Heyyyyyy."  I felt like I was right back at Tia Lou's, age 26. And it was not awesome.

 

Then there are the plethora of guys who I guess knew better than to try to contact me directly -- they just winked or liked a photo. Upon closer inspection, a good percentage of them had either pictures of their car in their profile as part of their profile name. Hey Porsche3477, I drive a Highlander with a large collection of Cheerios and mismatched socks - that's hot right?

 

So all of this does feel a bit like smelling my feet and farting, I must say.  And my guidance to you guys (and gals) out there also trying the online dating thing (or just the socializing with people thing) - don't mention the type of car you drive as a lead-in, use complete words and punctuation, common pleasantries like Hello are always appreciated, try to leave your baggage out of your profile or intro email, and in general do read the profile of the person you are approaching before reaching out. 

 

Now, it hasn't all been bad  -- I've received a lot of very nice, polite, funny emails and have made some good connections.  And despite lack of social skills, *most* people are just trying to find someone to connect with - which is hard and scary to do, absolutely -- so I give tons of credit for just getting out there. And so here comes the inspirational part -- If I have learned one thing over the last couple of years, the most surprising and wonderful things can happen, even when it all seems crappy, and especially if you would never, ever expect it. Painful experiences have turned into amazingly strengthening experiences, and people who I never imagined being close have become incredibly important to me.  So I'm chugging along with this online dating thing, as with everything in life, and trying to have an open mind and heart.  After all, you never know what might happen.  And I'm looking forward to meeting Sean and George next week. I may lay off the beans prior to meeting them…just in case.