I love you to the lotuses

The lotus is a popular symbol in Eastern religions, representing rebirth and awakening.  It starts as a small flower down at the bottom of a pond, deep in the mud and muck. It slowly grows up towards the water's surface, continually moving towards the light. Once it comes to the surface of the water, the lotus flower begins to blossom and turn into a beautiful flower.

 This has become a bit of a "totem" for me, representing what we all go through in life at times, but more importantly how I hope to live my life…pushing through the muck and the darkness towards the light, allowing myself to open and embrace the light. To bloom.  It didn't hurt that my yoga studio was selling cute little lotus necklaces, and of course I bought one. I wear it all the time as a reminder of the lotus's perseverance and beauty that I hope to embody. When O saw the necklace for the first time, she loved it. She got all close and cuddly with me, gently taking the necklace in her little hands, and asked me softly "Mama, what's this pretty necklace?"

I explained to her the meaning of the lotus and why Mama likes it so much.  O is pretty amazing at grasping advanced topics for someone her age, but she seemed rather non-plussed with my story and moved on to pretending she was my parents' three-legged Chihuahua named Jasmine (her favorite of the three, yes three, Chihuahuas my parents own).  My job then was to pretend I was Grammy (my mom) and give her fake marrow bones.

A few days later, we were reading L a story before bed called "Guess How Much I Love You?" If you have not read this book or given it to a kid you love, do it now. It is one of the sweetest, most tender books out there for kids. The bunny parent (Big Nutbrown Hare) and the bunny kid (Little Nutbrown Hare) take turns saying how much they love the other, each time with greater and greater magnitude. It ends with the bunny parent softly saying, as the bunny kid falls asleep, "I love you to the moon…and back."   The impossible magnitude of the love you have for your kids captured so beautifully.

Later the same evening, as I was putting O to bed, I told her I loved her, as I do every night (and all the time, really - I don’t think you can tell your kids enough how much you love them).  O smiled and said, "I love you to the lotuses."

I've already learned the lesson that your kids are listening even when you think they are not (the hard way) so be careful what you say. And I know that O has a pretty amazing imagination and is very creative.  But this struck me as just awesome.  O not only remembered the story of the lotus, but I think she really got it, maybe more than I had at the time.

 At the end of the day, the thing that powers my inner lotus, my perseverance, my desire for awakening and blooming is love. Love for my kids to push through the crap life gives you sometimes so that I can still be a good example, a good mom, a positive person. Love for my family and friends to appreciate the light and brilliance they bring to my life, even when my days seem dark and to hopefully reflect some of that light and brilliance back on their lives.  And love for myself to know I can blossom and embrace beauty and light, that I am worth pushing through, even if I get stuck in the muck sometimes.  People might have religion to help them through the tough times in life, or just a strong sense of spirituality…but I think at the end of the day, it really is about love, no matter what your belief system is.  Loving others, knowing others love you and loving yourself.

As I kissed O goodnight and tucked the blanket around her, I said to her softly "I love you to the lotuses…and back."