When my daughter was born, I had these grand notions of jumping into the mommy blog fray, spending my maternity leave writing witty vignettes in between Stroller Stride classes and trips to Starbucks. Then I realized that I was lucky to even shower during those first few months -- and once I returned to work, lucky to make it through the work day mentally and physically intact so I could spend some time with my husband and daughter.
I managed to get roughly 2 blog posts done, and then life got in the way and I didn't write again. Flash forward 3 1/2 years, I now have 2 daughters (3 1/2 years old and 1 year old), I am divorced and my life is completely different...I have had wonderful moments, angry moments, sad and despairing moments and hopeful, inspiring moments. And throughout all, I've asked myself over and over -- "Who am I?"
As most of you know, it's a huge adjustment becoming a spouse, a parent, a single person once again, and it's been challenging in some ways as I try to figure out who is this new Liz moving forward. I think life is a series of identity crises (some minor, some major) -- moving away from home and establishing independence, deciding who I would be as a young woman, going to grad school and moving across the country from family and friends, working hard and moving my career forward, getting married and figuring out how to share my life with a partner... being responsible for two tiny beautiful humans, deciding to end a relationship and face some of these challenges on my own.
I look at myself and think -- I'm part mom, part career woman, part daughter, part friend, part sister, part adventure seeker, part outdoors lover, part yoga enthusiast, part runner...the number of parts we split ourselves into begins to get exhausting, and I start to think how hard it is to know what to do with all these different parts. Do I keep dicing myself up into more parts to avoid losing anything, but risk becoming fragile, thin, tenuous? Do I drop parts to make room for higher priority ones and risk not feeling like "me"? Or do I make some parts smaller, hoping one day there will be more time for them?
Or perhaps some new identity gets forged out of all these parts. Maybe there is a new me that encompasses being a wife, a woman, a great marketer, a person passionate about living, a girl who rode mopeds in Vietnam but also reads The Economist...maybe I have to let go of the predefined "parts" and all the "I used to's" to allow some new identity to emerge. Embracing that some parts change to help create new parts, or some parts break off, but made room for newer, stronger parts.
When I was in grad school (Go 'Heels!), I took a class called "Preparation for Execution Management" even though I was pretty sure I never wanted to be a CEO. At any rate, we had two guest female CEOs speak one day. Both had never had children and were past that point in their lives. One of the women said something very wise, I think -- "You can do it all, but just not at the same time." I think it's embracing that concept that is key to letting this new identity emerge -- a new identity that doesn't require you to keep splitting yourself up into more parts, or to drop parts and feel a sense of loss...but that fully embraces your choices, priorities and desires as being exactly right for the specific time and place.
Easier said than done, but I'm happy to be on that journey. So, to all my fellow identity seekers, tell me about your journey. How have you managed through your life changes and come out whole on the other end?
